I am Leah

Julianna Leah Garcia, was born 11/17/15 , 9lbs 2 ounce at 1:25am…This little girl come at her own time under her own conditions. The labor was excruciating. By far the worst out my 3 pregnancies . Overall she’s here, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

After labor , I thought the excruciating part was over. Boy was I mistaken , Julianna, was a handle full since day one. Forget about the sleepless nights. I’m talking about almost 2 yrs of barely no sleep! Just roughly 3-4 hrs at most. She will cry non stop all night. Nothing will calm her . Oh, and sleeping during day wasn’t a option either. She would rarely nap . You would think a baby needs to sleep. Julianna was something else full of energy. I asked her pediatrician for help, they just gave that look like ” babies cry , get over it” or they would say it’s colic . They didn’t understand that her constantly crying was taking a toll on me. I was sleep deprived , angry, and emotional. I will literally cry with her, because I didn’t know what to do anymore. Her father was as much at his end of the rope as I was. It was affecting our relationship as well. We barely could stand one another at this point.

Our last resource was to have her baptized . Coming from a somewhat a catholic family, they have certain believes. They believe that some children need the blessing of god right away.

So we went ahead and baptized Julianna. I want say, I think it work. Within the next couple of months after her baptism, she started sleeping better . I even got a job!

Julianna it’s only two now. In her short two years she has showed me so much. She’s such a doll, she’s all I want to be in life. She’s a free spirit. She’s in love with herself ( yes! She’s very fond of herself) she’s full of energy ,she still doesn’t nap. She’s so obsessed with me and I love it. I’ve been in search of love or something to feel this emptiness inside. Julianna has filled that. Yes, I had two children prior to her. They where not so affectionate as her. Or maybe I didn’t let them get to close to Me. Julianna doesn’t take no for a answer, she will kiss me until I kiss her back. She constantly tells me she loves until I teller I love her back. She literally wakes up in the middle of the night and shouts out “mom , I love you” and goes back to sleep. She’s my self motivator, she tells me I’m pretty when I wear something new. She tells me big girls don’t cry when she sees tears in my eyes. Overall, she gives hope , that I could change and not push my kids away. That I could let them love me , without feeling dirty. That one day we could be truly a happy family

4 thoughts on “I am Leah

  1. You have been blessed in so many ways even though I know it doesn’t feel that way. To have three children, I can only imagine the thoughts and fear on your mind. Your daughter is your wake up call, she unintentionally tells you everyday that “today will be a good day”. Don’t be blinded from it, embrace the love and happiness that is filled within her. Learn to be happy with her and stay consistent with it and all good will follow from that. You know the saying “communication is key”? Talk with your partner, talk with your boys, open up to them. Baby steps though, your inner pain will gradually disappear. Love yourself because you are a beautiful person inside and out and I want nothing more but you to be in peace.

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